After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
