I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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