you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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