I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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