10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
