Got a toothbrush?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
