i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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