worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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