so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
