Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
