Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm too high and old for this...
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize