Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
