I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize