i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
