We won't sleep together?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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