me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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