Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
