After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
