Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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