Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
