remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
