Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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