Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
