Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I have tasted many bathrooms
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
