If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
