What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize