She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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