something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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