Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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