Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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