I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
