I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
