it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
