So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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