my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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