who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
