There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
