Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Pants are for mortals
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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