Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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