ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
FUCK WHALES
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