apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We are two peas in an std pod
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
