I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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