I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
