I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize