Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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