My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
