I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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