Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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