Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
