We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
