babies were throwing up all over the place
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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