D3 body, D1 cock
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
