i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
it glows. i had to have it.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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