Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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