sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
