Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
She made me pour olive oil on her.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
