Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize
