HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
