we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
