is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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