the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
do herpes really smell.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize