I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
