it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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