Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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