can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I need to sanitize my soul.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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