We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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