I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
